sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
