The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
