It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize