i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have aggressive nipples.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
