i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
