dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
