Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
