My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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