Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
