I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
