Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
