Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just found a bag of teeth...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize