i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
