i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
