you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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