Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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