Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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