I skipped work to stalk him.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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