We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
