Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
