john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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