Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
