K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
