What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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