If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
