I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
