You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
