pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My ATM looks so different sober.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
