There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
