Welp...herpes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
