Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
