Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
