I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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