he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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