there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
