Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
