i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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