There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
