Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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