Having a random hookup so left but love u
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize