It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
organizing the empties. That sober.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
