If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
