Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
