I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
