I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
