The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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