I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
