I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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