My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
