There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just saw a hot homeless man
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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