It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
