zippers are such a cool invention
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
