I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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