How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
