I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
