Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
