the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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