So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
