It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
