just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
