It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
