the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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