I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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