I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
