Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
