I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
