Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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