If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Randomize
