I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
