So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
