I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
