My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
