is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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