she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
