Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
