I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
