Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize