my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
