So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Send help, water and tortillas.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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