im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I cut my penus on the lid.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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