she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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