ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. Thatβs all. I have no other memory.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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