Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
