saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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