Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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