Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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