Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
