Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize