I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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