so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize