I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
