return my video game
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
