I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
