Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
