I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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