I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
