i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize