The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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