You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
