Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
