i permit you to call me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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