believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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