so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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