omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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