So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
